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Sunday, February 13, 2005
/ 5:07 AM

I wasted a week of holiday doing near to nothing. I wanna go out but I cant afford to. It's hard to believe how a PC game can affect my life so much, till I forgot the meaning of reality. When i switched myself back to the real world, I discovered myself in tears. I feel so alone. Finally I knew the joy of school.

Hopes:
There are a lot of bad shits that happened and are happening that I don't wish to go on forever. I hope for a miracle....

I wanna go back to work. I hate this 2-weeks holiday. I wanna be done with attachment and get back to school, wherever it might be. I need friends around me. I need to be around a crowd. That's me. I can't stand being in an empty space or being in an occupied space yet with no one talking to me or to talk to. I need attention. I need someone to laugh with, to smile with, to eat ice-cream with, to grow fat with. I don't wanna do these alone. I hate to have tears in my eyes. I hate to see a frown on my forehead. I hate widening my circle of friendship through MSN or Friendster. I am a realistic girl. I need real things to happen in my life, not bad shit though. I wanna commit a crime or a sin without other turning their heads on me or getting caught. I need the adrenalin. I wanna be in UK funfair where the ball would shoot me uo into the air and I'd go ARGH! I don't wanna sit down all alone and be quiet. That's not me. I'm the bubbly who talks, who laughs, who screams. That is who I am...


/ believe in wonderland,
with you in my mind
it's not that hard to believe
i'm in wonderland
and that's where I am
only a place to where we know
and never escape into reality
plunge into a fantasy

just about my love



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